In the grand theatre of Midwestern rugby, Lincoln Park D4 orchestrated a symphony of destruction, leaving Kenosha battered and bewildered in a 59-7 thrashing that will echo through the annals of the league for seasons to come.

At the heart of this ruthless display was the mercurial McCann, pulling the strings at fly-half with the grace of a virtuoso and the cunning of a card sharp. Spurred on by his own personal chorus line on the sidelines, McCann carved through Kenosha’s defence like a hot knife through butter, notching up a quartet of tries that left the opposition questioning their life choices.

But this was no one-man show. In the engine room, Swancy proved to be a second-row colossus, combining the light fingers of a master thief with the raw power of a charging rhino. His performance was a masterclass in the dark arts of forward play, leaving Kenosha’s pack looking like lost sheep in a wolf’s den.

The front row, often the unsung heroes of any rugby match, today sang louder than a Welsh male voice choir. Robb and Lyons slotted in with the seamless precision of a Swiss watch, while David – oh, David! – redefined the role of the modern prop. Watching him gallop across the turf before contact was like witnessing a wildebeest migration in miniature. One can only imagine the nightmares that will haunt Kenosha’s tacklers in the weeks to come.

And let us not forget the boot of Clarke, as reliable as death and taxes. His conversion rate of 7 from 9 ensured that each try was given its full due, turning what could have been merely a victory into an absolute rout.

As for Kenosha, they found themselves mere spectators to their own demise. Their defensive line, sliding to cover the outside channels with all the effectiveness of a chocolate teapot, left gaps that McCann exploited with gleeful abandon. Their solitary try stands as a lone candle in the face of a hurricane – admirable in its defiance, but ultimately futile.

In the end, this was more than a match; it was a statement. Lincoln Park D4 have thrown down the gauntlet, and as they bask in the afterglow of their second emphatic victory of the season, one can’t help but wonder: is this the birth of a dynasty, or merely a fleeting moment of brilliance? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain – rugby in these parts will never be the same again.

Team: Robb, Lyons T, David, Foley, Swancy, Church, Sisti, Olander, Walsh E, McCann, DeLisa, Daley, Clarke, Walther, Rosenfeld

Finishers: Rowley, Carter, Patat, Brach, McDonough, Callovini, Niewinski, Clark

Try: McCann 4, Swancy 3, Daley 1, Walsh 1
Con: Clarke 7